Saturday, December 4, 2010

Best Ways to Overcome an Affair

Overcoming an affair is tough, but not impossible! These "best ways to overcome an affair" revolve around breaking up, letting go, and moving on.

You can stay in your relationship and rebuild your lives together, but that's not what these tips are all about. If you want tips on rebuilding your relationship, let me know in the comments section below. These tips are about letting go...

Best Ways to Overcome an Affair

Don’t take the affair personally. The reason he cheated has nothing to do with you! Don’t berate yourself for how the relationship unfolded, or what you did or didn’t do. Men cheat for reasons that may have nothing to do with you or your relationship. It's not about you, it's about him. To learn more, read Why Men Cheat.

Listen to what he says, but believe what he does. “It has been over a year and half since he broke up with me but he still tells me he loves me every time we talk,” says a reader on an article I wrote for Quips and Tips for Money and Love. “I want him to come back to me completely but he says he can’t do that.” If your ex-boyfriend says he can’t get back together with you, believe him. He may say he loves you — and he may truly love you — but if he really wanted to be with you, he would be with you. If he says he isn’t in love with you anymore, you need to focus on other – better – parts of your life. You must accept what he says and move on.

Learn how to “self-sooth.” I found this term in a book about eating disorders, and it’s great breakup advice! Self-soothing involves doing things that make you feel better, things that help you reconnect with your authentic, happy self. An example of self-soothing is to recall a time that you were happy, proud, and centered – perhaps after you made a mistake and moved on or accomplished something you were proud of. Talk on the phone with people who love you, who make you feel great about yourself. One of the best ways to overcome an affair is to learn how to take care of yourself in healthy ways.

Keep your long-term life goals in mind. Step back from your emotions and feelings and yearnings for a moment. Answer these questions logically and rationally – write your answers in a journal or diary: Is your boyfriend the healthiest choice for you? Are his life goals in line with your long-term life goals? Is he emotionally, physically, and spiritually available to you? Does he want to work on your relationship? Does he bring out the best in you, and make you feel secure, loved, smart, and independent? The best way to overcome an affair is to keep reminding yourself that this is not the relationship for you. If it was, he wouldn't have cheated.

What do you think of these ways to overcome an affair? Comments welcome below...

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